Authentic Leadership: "Leave Your Emotions at the Door" is a Myth
I’ve been told to be 'professional' and leave my feelings at home. But if I left my joy, my excitement, and my personality at the door, I wouldn't be a leader, I'd be a machine. Leading requires a human face, not a poker face.
Are you Authentic as a Leader ?
I remember one of my earlier managers giving me the daftest instruction: “Leave your emotions at the door. Pick them up when you leave work.”
He might have meant well, but that day I knew I couldn’t work for him long term and started polishing my CV. I remember feeling torn. I respected his experience, yet I always believed that leadership was more about connection than suppression. That moment planted an early seed about what kind of leader I never wanted to become.
My Robot Manager
Years later, I reported to a Managing Director who seemed to run on code, not compassion. When my late wife was ill, I asked for a simple 15-minute adjustment to my start time (not reduced hours). She didn’t ask how my wife was. She just stared at me blankly. I think I caused a logic error in her programming, and she delivered a flat 'No.' No discussion. No humanity.
A series of managers left under her regime until the shareholders finally woke up and her time there came to an end.
My Lovely Manager
The difference in my very next role could not have been starker. I moved to an environment where I was instantly given trust and allowed to arrange my own time without supervision.
I wasn’t micromanaged or asked to account for every minute. I was simply treated as an adult who wanted to do a good job. That autonomy didn't make me slack off; it made me appreciate and value the leadership, and I worked harder because of it.
“Authentic leaders give people the psychological safety to be human, to bring their energy and enthusiasm to work - not just their labour.”
Leading with Humanity
When I stepped into leadership myself, I had to decide which path to follow. The real test came when the pandemic hit and we were all forced into lockdown.
My team was isolated, anxious, and working from kitchen tables. The "professional" thing to do might have been to focus strictly on deliverables to ensure productivity didn't slip. Instead I prioritised connection.
I arranged weekly catch-up calls with every team member. We didn't start with business. We started with how they were coping. We made space for the stress, the fear, and the laughs (like seeing a colleague’s flatmate stumble past in his boxers!). By allowing those emotions into the "office," we supported those under mental strain and kept the team united.
The result? I never had to chase them for work. Because they felt safe and supported as humans, they showed up as professionals.
Let’s unpack this matter of emotions in the workplace.
Reaction vs. Response
In my upcoming book, I draw a parallel between road rage and emotional reactivity in the workplace.
Imagine I am riding and a car driver cuts me off or blasts the horn at me. I have a choice. I can react with my ego, maybe twist the throttle to chase them down, or turn my head to scream an insult. But if I do that, I put myself in danger. I take my eyes off the road ahead. I turn a minor annoyance into a life-threatening situation.
The office is no different. If you let every "honk" - a rude email, a snarky comment, or a crisis - trigger an emotional reaction, you will crash. You stop leading with your brain and start leading with your emotions. That is not "being human"; that is being reckless.
But the solution isn't to become a robot who suppresses all feelings. The solution is to notice the anger, process it, and then choose your line. You don't ignore the car; you just don't let it dictate your ride.
In this sense, detaching from emotions allows for better decision-making, as you base your actions on facts and logic rather than impulses.
Integration and Authenticity
True leadership requires integration, not fragmentation. If you try to “switch off” your emotions, you split your identity, leaving a vital part of your judgment at the door. Healthy functioning comes from allowing your thoughts and feelings to work together, acknowledging them without letting them run wild. It is about being the same person inside and outside the office: regulating your emotions with reason, rather than suppressing them to fit a mask.
Note that authenticity does not mean oversharing every emotion or dropping your professional standards. It means showing appropriate vulnerability and honesty in ways that strengthen relationships and trust.
For example, I might say something like: “I don’t have all the answers right now, but let’s figure it out together.” This builds far more credibility than pretending to be certain when I’m not.
Why Faking it Fails
If you try to switch off emotions at work, you do not just filter out the noise, you also cut the connection.
Trust & Credibility: People follow leaders they perceive as real. If you are polished but detached, you remain a stranger.
Psychological safety: If leaders model openness, employees feel safer to share their ideas, admit mistakes, or raise concerns. When leaders mask their humanity, employees hide their mistakes. That is a recipe for hidden risks and disasters.
Resilience in uncertainty: During crises, authentic leaders provide stability because people sense their sincerity, even when the answers are not clear.
3 Ways to Show Emotion without losing Authority
Be Genuine and Consistent: An authentic leader doesn’t put on a “work mask”. Their words, values, and actions are all aligned. Team members do not have to guess what their leader really thinks. Check whether your voice, personality, or behaviour change when you have a conversation or walk into a meeting. Are you performing a role or leading as yourself? If you feel the need to act differently to who you are, ask yourself why. Consistency builds trust. A facade erodes it.
Own your Vulnerabilities: You don’t need to be the smartest person in the room to lead it. Authentic leaders admit mistakes and share learning moments. They show that they’re human, not pretend to be flawless. This is a strategic signal to your team that it is safe for them to be human too.
Lead with Your Values, not Just Metrics: Your decisions should be guided by core principles that people can recognise and rally around. Values are not just for posters on the wall. Look at your recent decisions. Did they actually align with what you claim to stand for? If you claim to value honesty but reward profitable dishonesty, you lose credibility instantly. Ensure your actions back up your words.
Final Reflection: Leading as Your Whole Self
I’m glad I ignored that manager’s instructions, and I’m happy I resigned from the robot.
Why should this matter to you as a leader? Because you cannot mandate passion. If you lead like a robot, you will get compliance: people doing exactly what they are paid to do, and nothing more.
Authentic leaders give people the psychological safety to be human, to bring their energy and enthusiasm to work - not just their labour.
That is the difference between a team that just shows up, and a team that steps up.
Reflective Question: What difficult conversation have you been avoiding with your team because it requires you to drop the "professional" mask and be human?
Thank you for reading this far. If any of this resonates, I’d love to welcome you as a reader and to stay connected. Please join the mailing list for future posts, share your thoughts in the comments, or find me on LinkedIn.
